If you were to ask me whether there is any person equal to God in goodness, holiness, justice, wisdom…or the like…I would certainly say “of course not!”.  It’s ludicrous, right?  But you know what?  I think somewhere in the depths of my heart, there is some tendency to believe otherwise.

When I see something that [I perceive] is a flaw in a Christian that I normally respect and admire, I often end up projecting my disappointment on God.  I wonder how God could allow such a flaw/sin/misconception to exist in someone who is supposedly living their life for Him.

And in the midst of one such moment of wondering, I happened to be listening to a song that proclaims “You are holy, holy, holy…” and I was struck by the simple fact that He is being praised because of His holiness…in part, because it is something that is unique to Him.  He reminded me that He is holy, but every person I will ever meet is a sinner, has weaknesses, lacks infinite wisdom – and my faith, my hope, my peace can never rest in another person.

I know it’s true that God will work through His people – even though wrought with imperfection – but I need to make certain I realize that God’s not surprised or limited by those imperfections, that He is faithful even when we’re not, that He is our judge, and that He has given us His Word as a standard by which to make sure that what we’re hearing and believing is truth.  Because we’re human and He’s not.  He’s better than us.

Thankful…

…for a husband who cooked me a Valentine’s Day dinner (a day early)…including the most perfectly cooked salt potatoes ever (I know, it seems like a small thing, but they were really good).

…for a four year old who hums in the shower

…that when I unknowingly turn on the wrong burner on the stove, and then set a rubberized oven mitt on it, it is warm enough outside that I can open all of the doors to air out the smell without freezing everyone in the house.

…for energy, motivation, and the necessary gastrointestinal fortitude to vacuum this morning.

…for a daughter who thoughtfully got clothes out for her brother this morning.

…for sunshine.

…for maternity pants, even when I need them much too early on in pregnancy.

…for a two year old who is finally learning to say “please”.

…for a second grader who is a great independent learner.

…that there is no longer “pink slime” in McDonald’s burgers…’cause I really love Big Macs.

…for a God who is continually revealing Himself to me and teaching me and and reminding me that He has my life in His hands.

His grace flows down and covers me.

It covers me.  It covers me.  It covers me.  And covers me.

These lyrics struck me this morning in church.  I’ve sung them a lot, but never gave them much thought before.  Today, though, I thought about being covered by God’s grace.  I thought about how I often approach grace as something that is there to fill in the “gaps” in my righteousness.  I thought about how I act as though there might not be enough grace to stretch out over all of my imperfections.  I thought about how I perceive others to need less of a covering of grace because of how good they seem to be at getting things right.  Then, I thought about how none of us is good…not even one.  I thought about how my righteousness is as filthy rags to Him.  I thought about how none of my striving could make me better in His eyes.

And I thought about the fact that I am covered by His grace.  Covered.  All of me.  All of my sin.  All of my “righteousness”.  Everything.  He has covered me, and in so doing, has made me righteous before Him.  I know it’s pretty simple theology, but all too often, I live my life in ignorance of it.  I feel the weight of trying to manufacture my own righteousness, and the hopelessness of failing again and again, when at every moment, His grace is there covering me with a righteousness I could never earn or use up.  What freedom there is in knowing that!  His goodness amazes me still.

When I hear or read about the “best” ways to train, discipline, and teach my children, I usually end up feeling like I have gone horribly wrong somewhere.  After all, these ideas that get talked about really sound good – great, even.  They are full of compassion and grace, consistency and gospel.  Love is communicated even while discipline is carried out.  And honestly, the way I raise my kids looks nothing like this.

I have wrestled with God over this, and it’s not simply an issue of my lack of discipline in the matter (which, I admit, is a problem).  The problem I face is that even when I want and try to address problematic behaviors the “right” way, it feels completely wrong to me.  For one thing, I am not an effusive person…and I somehow feel like my kids will sense insincerity if I follow some scripted program for dealing with their sin.  For another thing, I myself don’t respond favorably to anything I perceive to be sugar-coated…I tend to actually prefer a blunt, perhaps more harsh, explanation…otherwise I feel like I’m being patronized.

I also have a very different perception of how God deals with me than how these ideas suggest we deal with our kids.  That’s not to say that He doesn’t deal that way with some, nor is it to say that my perception of how He deals with me is any less loving and gracious…it’s just different.  So, maybe, I can deal differently with my kids than someone else deals with theirs, and it can be okay.  Maybe the Bible doesn’t outline specifics, because methods aren’t hard-and-fast.  Maybe my heart for the Lord and my heart for my children matter more than my techniques.  So, maybe I should just focus on doing better at those things I know for sure are failings on my part, and not worry about the rest.  I’m sure, even in this – even through me, that God can work

I was throwing up yesterday.  Part of it was because I had a massive headache caused by clogged sinuses.  Most of it was because I am almost 10 weeks pregnant with our newest little one.  Yesterday was the first time this pregnancy I failed to keep food down…otherwise my stomach has only caused me problems in the morning when my stomach is still empty.  Not terribly pleasant, but better than usual, as far as pregnancies go for me.  Still, there is exhaustion, and weight gain (8 pounds so far…ugh), and “pregnancy brain”…which takes effect earlier with each pregnancy.

Life is forced to a snail’s pace around here…well, for me at least.  Schoolwork for the kids is pretty bare-bones, dinners are only firmly decided in the hour or so before meal-time…much too often, not what was in my meal plan…, housework has been almost entirely out of my hands, and I find that reclining on the couch for long periods of time is just not as appealing as it once seemed.

I would be lying if I said this is the part of pregnancy that I miss once the baby is here.  The truth is, this is the part of pregnancy that I most easily forget, and it’s probably best that way.  It’s not just hard on me, but on everyone.  My kids find themselves with less routine, but a lot more random tasks assigned them, and my husband takes over everything else…he puts aside projects and “down-time” to wash dishes and fold laundry and get me food and go shopping.

“Productivity” isn’t a word that describes our life these days…but, with an obvious exception.  The tiny little life that is being knit together inside me.  It’s easy to get to the end of the day and feel unaccomplished, overwhelmed, unsure if all those things being set aside will eventually get done.  But, really, the point of it all is so much more than worth it.  The unseen miracle being fashioned and formed in the womb may take some effort and energy, sometimes inadvertently attributed to a lesser purpose (ie, satisfying a craving for a cheeseburger), but to know that the “reward” for these sacrifices is a life – that knowledge give perspective, and humbles, and astounds me.

Because, really, I don’t have the first clue how to create life, but yet, there is life being created in me.  A precious, perfect life…dependent on me, but held by the hands of his or her Creator.  There’s no project or pursuit that can compare with that.