I don’t know how to do this.
My two littlest girls are under the weather and have spent a good part of the past few days just crying.
My husband is discouraged and overwhelmed. I can’t blame him. Life around here has been discouraging and overwhelming for a while, and he carries most of the weight of it on his shoulders. He has nobody to teach him or show him how to do it. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to do. I pray, but it honestly is out of desperation more than faith. We are alone and breaking under the strain of a thousand little and not little things.
School is starting for us next week and I am lost. I have books, but no schedule, no goals, no confidence. I know my kids are smart, but I also know I am lazy and disorganized, and as much as I put my best effort in, I never seem capable of accomplishing anything more than the absolute minimum…and, sometimes, I’m convinced I haven’t even managed that. It’s to the point of wondering at times if I just need to give up on homeschooling altogether. ‘Cause I’m just not good enough.
I’m tired. My back hurts when I try sleeping, all night long. I’m pretty sure it’s a post-partum issue, but knowing that doesn’t make it easier to deal with.
I still can’t see, or hear, or manage to trust God. It makes my heart hurt, pretty much continually. I’m trying. I’m honestly trying. But I feel hopeless.