a follow-up

Last week, I wrote about my frustrations with my temper.  I’d had a couple of days in a row of just not being able to stop myself from responding in anger to just about everything.  And while not every day is that bad, my daily reality is generally punctuated by at least an instance or two of me yelling when I should hold my tongue, or worse.  I regularly bring it to the Lord and ask for help in overcoming this particular sin issue, but any progress has always been negligible from my vantage point.  These past several days, though?  There’s been a difference.  A number of times, things that would usually get under my skin just…haven’t.  And other times, when I have gotten angry, there’s been a check in my response, a not speaking before I think – a remembering to reply calmly and with grace.  I know it’s only been five days, and I don’t expect that I can let down my guard in this area, but the change in these days gives me hope that I’m not beyond help.

If you read that post, and you prayed for me, thank you.  It matters.  So very much.  I don’t know why it is that someone else’s prayers make a difference when mine seem so fruitless, but those prayers are precious to me.

In that same post, I was also struggling with how to come to God in my imperfection – wondering how many times I could fall and still, somehow, be welcomed into His presence.  It was a bit of a pity-party, I guess.  ‘Cause, yeah…I get it.  It’s not anything I’ve done that allows me to come to Him anyway; it’s not about me at all.  And even in my worst moments, God is unchangingly good, and worthy of being worshiped.  He doesn’t somehow become less deserving of that sacrifice of praise just because I happen to be more aware of how desperately lost I am apart from Him.  If anything, the disparity should only serve to send me running to Him all the more in gratitude and awe.  I do get caught up in my selfishness sometimes, though, and I focus on myself and not on Him.  In these moments, I am thankful for reminders that help me correct my gaze, that magnify the Lord, that speak truth to my soul.

I know I’m not perfect.  I know that I let that imperfection show pretty blatantly on this blog, sometimes.  I guess if you’re reading this, then it means you haven’t written me off even though my words aren’t always redemptive.  Thanks.  And if you pray for me, thanks a thousand times over.  God’s got a lot of work to do in me.  But He is working.

4 thoughts on “a follow-up

  1. I just realized I spelled your name wrong and for that I am so sorry! I hate it when people do that to me! Ugh!

    • That’s okay :). I’m very used to it. But I understand feeling terrible about misspelling a name – I’m the same way.

  2. Love you, Laurie. Life has been so crazy busy over here, that you probably think I have completely forgotten you exist. Not so. You are always in my prayers. Happy to hear this good report, because, boy do I get it. I have found that as the years have passed, I yell less and less, but oh, did the big boys hear a lot of it! God is always working in us, changing us, helping us. One day you’ll be able to look back and see the changes clearly…now they are slow and subtle. But He is working none-the-less. You are such a good mama and Christ follower! Because your heart is open to the Holy Spirit and really that’s all He asks of us. He does the work! :-) Maybe one day I will get my act together and we will actually connect in real life!????!!!

    • I always appreciate your encouragement and perspective so much. Thank you! I hope it’s the case that some day I will be able to look back on life and see ways God has helped me grow. I also hope that I’ll be able to see all the ways that He worked in my kids in spite of my failings. Even now, there are glimpses, and those moments help me to remember that I’m not the one who saves or sanctifies them – it’s only Him. And life does get busy, doesn’t it? I keep thinking that, eventually, I’ll become more efficient at my responsibilities and then I will miraculously have more time, but I’m finding that it often actually ends up being just the opposite. I would love to get together at some point if we can work it out, though :).

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