I’ve been thinking a lot about words lately.  I like words.  I tend to place a high level of importance on words, both in what I speak…or write…and what I hear.  I like understanding and being understood and choosing the right words is, generally, how that is accomplished.

But, what has been weighing on me recently is the limitation of words.  As much as I might think that a certain word, or a certain explanation, clearly communicates what is in my heart…or what is in someone else’s heart, if I’m the hearer…the reality is that there are a number of things that muddy the waters and make it unwise to let anyone’s words alone be the basis for a determination of what their heart is in any given situation.

I say this because, as I consider some of my own words – words I’ve wanted to think were presented in an acceptable way, words I hoped would perhaps evoke a different response than what they’ve received – I’m realizing that I’m not even certain of all the reasons I used the words I did.  While I rarely try to make my explanations exhaustive, I usually think I at least know my underlying motivations, but although I usually can provide a reasonable accounting for what I’ve said, I’m finding that I sometimes arrive at a rationale based on what I think provides the best defense for my words, rather than based on an honest assessment of my heart.  It can be easy to just want to be right.

And even when I conclude that my words do accurately convey my heart in a matter, it’s becoming apparent that words can have different meanings to different people.  A whole host of factors can affect the interpretation and weight that we apply to specific words.  It isn’t simply a dictionary definition that will rule the day in how a word is understood, and I have to be careful in both the words I choose and how quick I am to judge someone else’s words because of this.  It’s possible that a communication breakdown is just that – some idea that simply got lost or distorted by our words – and not a deeper heart issue at all.

Honestly, this all makes me tempted to not say or write anything, ever.  I don’t want to miscommunicate.  I don’t want to misunderstand and I don’t want to be misunderstood.  My natural tendency when there is an issue over words is to want to dissect and analyze and figure it all out.  When I step back a little, though, I’m beginning to see a more important objective than figuring it out.  Because when words fail, there has to be a heart that is first seeking God’s glory.  And being understood may not be the most God-glorifying thing in a given situation.  Exposing someone else’s failed communication may not be either.  I need to make love most important.  Extending grace, forgiving freely, acknowledging the imperfect state of my own heart, seeking to understand another person’s heart even if their words have caused offense, choosing to believe that in these circumstances – as in all others –  true reconciliation, resolution, and peace are a work of the Holy Spirit. 

Lord, have Your way.