Usually, when I come to God, I try to do everything right.  I try to set my thoughts on all that He is.  I try to confess His goodness, His faithfulness, His sovereignty.  I analyze my heart to see if there’s any area where I have fallen away.  I analyze my motives in prayer to see if, somehow, I’ve missed God’s will in what I’m praying for.  I try to believe that He hears and answers, and I try to go forward in hope that I will, at some point, see evidence of that fact.   I try to be mindful of the reality that every area of this life of mine is first and foremost for His glory.

But sometimes, when I feel like I am at the end of myself, and all the prayers I’ve prayed seem to have fallen on deaf ears, and I have no idea how to hope anymore, and the days and weeks and months ahead promise a heart-straining, soul-grating, mind-boggling, strength-draining reality, and I just can’t see why this is what life looks like right now –  doing things the ‘right’ way seems like too much.  And I half-kneel, half-fall in a crumpled heap at His feet and just cry and ask Him to please help.  I feel badly that all of the truths that I should know aren’t faithfully tumbling from my lips.  I feel pitiful for, again, being undone by what most people would probably consider no big deal.  But you know what?  I think it’s okay.  He just wants me to come.

Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in the time of need. —Hebrews 4:16