My natural bent right now is to want to do whatever is necessary to end the conflict.  I run from fights. I hide when I am afraid.  My initial response to all of this was non-stop shaking, episodes of hyperventilating, and hours of crying.  Who I am cannot handle stress like these days have brought.  And I find myself desperately wishing that I could believe that we’re wrong in this.  The thought of repenting and being restored just seems…easy.

But I can’t lie.  The thought of admitting to a wrong that I am convinced we’re not guilty of makes me nauseous.  The thought of allowing the truth to be distorted so that we can find some level of momentary peace seems like compromise of the worst kind.  So we pray, and wait, and cling to seemingly threadbare hopes that God will somehow bring Himself glory through all of this mess.