our girl

Okay…yes…we have more than one now.  But 11 years ago today, she came into the world as our first girl, and remained our only girl for 6 more years.  Raising her has been nothing like raising her brothers, partly because she’s a girl, but mostly because she is entirely unique in her personality, her perspectives, her strengths and her weaknesses.

I don’t think I’ll ever understand how she can be totally unconcerned for whether she has spelled a word correctly, and I remain baffled by her ability to understand the mechanics of things.  She has considerable talent in art and math (quite a combination, huh?) but both can be limited at times by lack of attention and carelessness.  She loves girly things (anything that sparkles or shimmers or ruffles), but wants to be stronger and faster and better at everything than her brothers.  She gets easily distracted from almost any chore, but when she does apply herself, can be extremely detailed and thorough.

And now, she’s entering her “pre-teen” years.  There’s more tears, more attitude, more wonderings of what-part-of-left-field-did-that-just-come-from?  But there’s also a greater interest in just being near me, which I am trying my best to not take for granted.  She is learning patience with her little sisters, too, and I find her randomly snuggled up to them, reading books or quietly playing.  She has a fairly new-found love of baking, and continues to work on developing her skills with the sewing machine.  And I see, albeit sometimes more slowly than I’d like, character traits taking shape in her that I’ve long worried could never be.

This girl of mine continues to be my greatest challenge, but also the catalyst God most uses to humble, and shape, and teach me.  I know that doesn’t evoke much of the sappy sentiment that I so often think should be all that my thoughts of my children evoke.  But she is a gift.  She is precious to me.  I am so very thankful for her – for the unique and wonderful person she is, and for the ways I am forced to my knees (sometimes in petition, sometimes in repentance) because of her.  It is truly with great joy that we celebrate these 11 years that she has been our girl.

I was watching a tv show recently where one of the characters had a nervous breakdown.  Life was overwhelming and the character was losing control of it all…felt like he had to be in control of it all, but wasn’t.

And all I could think as I watched it was I am so thankful for Jesus I am so thankful I don’t have to manage this life on my own.  I am so thankful that when life is overwhelming, I have Someone I can run to who will never lose control of it all.  How can anyone survive without Him?

This past year and a half has been more than I’ve felt like I could bear at times.  Sometimes, my running to God hasn’t looked like it “should”.  My faith has had many moments of faltering.  And I’m sure others have dealt with much harder things than I have.  But whether I just need to find a little shoe when we need to head out the door, or I feel like life is caving in on me, I know that He is there to hear my cry.  I know that His hands are holding me, no matter what.  Even just a few moments on my knees gives me strength to stand.

He is life.  The source and the sustenance.  Nothing can compare.