a wineskin in smoke

I’ve been reading Psalm 119 a lot lately – for perspective, for reminders, for hope.  It comforts me to be reminded that God’s Word (statutes, testimony, laws, commandments, ways, etc) is true even when the world doesn’t abide by them; it’s true even when life hurts and even when those who don’t live by it seem to be winning.

In reading this Psalm over and over, though, verses 81-83 have gotten stuck in my soul.

My soul faints for Your salvation,
But I hope in Your word.
My eyes fail from searching Your word,
Saying, “When will You comfort me?”
For I have become like a wineskin in smoke,
Yet I do not forget Your statutes.

…I have become like a wineskin in smoke…

Wineskins don’t belong in smoke.  It ruins them.  Tough.  Dry.  Impossible to stretch, to fill.  Unusable.

And it wasn’t that the psalmist had abandoned the Lord.  To the contrary, he was running to the Lord, looking for answers, looking for help, clinging to hope that God would be His rescuer.  But circumstances – a life that was repeatedly attacked and abused by the ungodly – had left him with a brokenness in his soul.

And I’ve felt like this psalmist a lot these past months.  Soul-broken.  Unusable.  Not unwilling, but unable.  A vessel that can no longer hold anything, much less pour anything out in a useful way.

I’m not sure how a wineskin in smoke might become usable again…if it can become usable again.

I’m not sure how a soul becomes usable again.

But I have not forgotten His statutes, and my only hope is in His Word.

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