My back has been bothering me for months.  A few weeks ago, I thought it was getting better…I could sit, and ride in the car, without pain for the first time since April.  Then it started hurting again, little by little, but I ignored it as I am wont to do, until I tried standing up on Monday last week and felt the most excruciating pain in my life (childbirth included).

I ended up at the ER – one of the most useless and inefficient places I have ever been, except for the fact that the timing worked out so I could get an MRI, to find that I have 2 herniated discs.  After what turned into almost 3 days in the hospital (I literally could not get out of bed), I was sent home with a walker, and prescriptions for an anti-inflammatory and a muscle relaxer.

Honestly, I think there’s more going wrong in my back than slipped discs, for a lot of reasons…but whatever it is, recovery has been slower than molasses.  I can’t get around without the walker, and, even so, can only manage to be on my feet a couple minutes at a time.

I’ve spent hours researching alternative diagnoses, exercises, and supplements.  I would never have guessed just how much I could hate being forced to remain in a prone position for nearly all of the past 8 days.  And I only reluctantly take my prescription meds, already decreasing the dosages and frequency in the hopes of abandoning them for good sooner rather than later.

I desperately want to just be better already.  I’m impatient, okay?

But even as I try to solve this problem, my heart’s cry is that I wouldn’t have to solve this problem at all.  I don’t want to get better because I found the right inner-core exercises, or the right hormone-support supplement, or the right muscle-spasm-reducing diet.  I just want it to be because God heals me…because I want to be able to give God the glory on the other side of this, instead of questioning why He wasn’t the only answer.  I want my kids to see that God is still a God who heals, and that He doesn’t need modern (or alternative) medicine to accomplish it.  I want to know that persistence in faith and prayer matters.

The issue of healing always tempts people to add to what the Bible says, to explain away unanswered prayers for healing.  But Jesus never turned anyone away.  He had the sick brought to Him and He “healed them ALL”.  Maybe it seems simplistic and naive, but that is the theology on healing that I choose to have, in spite of all of the questions that can be raised against it.  So, I’ll keep asking for Him to heal me.