Ava’s birthday always takes me by surprise.  Partly because of the fact that it comes right at the start of our school year, which consumes much of my focus, but also because Ava herself is so often unassuming and quiet that she just fits in, which too often also means that she can be easily overlooked.  It makes me sad to say that, but it also makes me want more to highlight the fact that there are so many amazing things about Ava.

Even the fact of her usually calm and peaceful demeanor is noteworthy.  She is most willing among all of my children to prefer someone else, to not argue about what movie gets picked to watch, to not try to demand the biggest or the best of anything.  She has her moments of not seeing past herself, but they are relatively few and far between.

Ava is also somewhat of a conundrum in her physical activities.  When she is not playing, she would mostly prefer to have everything done for her and doesn’t like to exert herself in any way.  But when she is playing, she can run fast, throw well, and generally out-do most other kids her age.  Likewise, her usually easy-going personality transitions to one that is boisterous, competitive, and persistent.

As far as interests go, Ava’s seem evenly split between science/technology/construction and arts and crafts.  She has a quick understanding of how things work, and truly loves to see things come together into something new or functional.  Her sense of size and proportion is exceptional for a nine-year old, and her comprehension of logic and mechanics is also impressive.

Thankfully, Ava still loves hugs and snuggles.  Although she is growing, she continues to be able to curl up on a lap as though she were still three, or manage to squeeze her way in to the smallest of gaps just to sit next to someone.  She regularly makes little “I love everybody” notes for everyone to enjoy…she can’t handle the thought of telling one person she loves them, but not telling every other person that she loves them, too.  She is sensitive, sweet and gentle – beautiful inside and out.  I love my Ava Grace so much, and I’m beyond thankful for her nine years.

As I think about Nathanael today, I am reminded of the many ways in which he is unique among his siblings.  With the possible exception of Ava, he is our quietest child.  It can be hard to know how he’s feeling about something, even when trying hard to get him to open up.  He is rarely a complainer and though he has come to express his preferences more often as of late, he still will often be happier to go along with the preferences of others than to introduce conflict.  However, when Nathanael does engage in conversation (rather than choosing a grunt as a response…which happens way too often) he gives insightful responses that regularly demonstrate a perspective and depth of thought I suspect are not common in fourteen year old boys.

He remains, as always, a voracious reader…and perhaps the most humorous demonstration of this is the way we often find him reading the promotional material and  nutritional information on any food packaging that might be at hand.  Even more interesting to me is the depth of processing that even such mundane reading is subjected to in Nathanael’s mind, such that he often informs us of things like errors in the calculations of calories for a food item, or thoughtful comparisons of ingredients of one food product with another.  Counter to his otherwise quiet nature, he will freely and happily share about all of the interesting factoids he has come across in his random reading throughout the day.  While he once dreaded long car-rides – anything longer than 20 minutes – he has come to relish the opportunity to hunker down and have long stretches of mostly uninterrupted book time.

In addition to reading, Nathanael has also become quite a fan of gardening.  While this interest has been in the works for several years, this summer has been the first time he has really acknowledged and embraced this interest (maybe gardening doesn’t seem like an acceptable pastime for a teenage boy?).  He researched and planned and planted his own small plot of corn, on which he is now so excited to see producing ears of corn.  Every day, he faithfully helps check for cucumbers and zucchini, and inspects the progress on our tomatoes.  He even happily volunteered to help…or really, spearhead, the process of making and canning pickles last week.  And unlike most of my other kids, he actually enjoys cucumbers even when they’re not in pickle form, and will happily devour a half of a large cucumber in one sitting.

Lest the quiet, book-devouring, garden-loving description give the impression that Nathanael is a gentle, fragile sort, I should also point out his affinity for tree-climbing that often requires me bite my tongue when I fear he is less than cautious.  And his tae-kwon-do abilities that showcase his natural agility and quick reactions.  Or his recent interest in ninja-warrior type challenges that have compelled him to start…swinging?…jumping, but with his arms?…from one tree branch to another, and to begin researching how to construct his own obstacles on which to practice. He also continues to take great interest in construction projects, and any task that requires him to take apart or demolish something.

Really, Nathanael is just a well-rounded kid who will take an interest in almost anything he can find to do.  He is a hard worker and is not afraid to tackle new challenges.  In our Bible study times, he asks tough questions, and diligently searches scripture for answers and explanations.  He finds logical connections that can tie seemingly unrelated ideas together.

And he still will sit close, and not shy away if I put my arm around him.  Not really the demand for “nuggles” he would make as a toddler, but I’ll take it.  I’m so thankful for this kid, and can’t say enough how special and how loved he is.  Fourteen years of Nathanael have been so much joy to my heart, I’m so glad we get to take a day to remind him what a gift he is.

Isabelle is another year older, though in truth, she has always seemed older than her age suggests.  Being so close in age to Ava, she has long since decided that she is capable of doing anything Ava can do, and expects to be treated as such.  We have had to temper this attitude a bit, but whenever given the opportunity, she works hard and proves to those around her that she can [almost always] do whatever she sets her mind to do.

From the very first, Isabelle has been quick to help, eager to learn new skills, and insistent on being around anyone who might be taking on an in interesting endeavor.  She is my near constant companion in the kitchen, with questions flowing as fast as I can answer them, and a desire to do everything.  This is a challenge for my somewhat particular personality, but on my more gracious days, I try to hand her the reins when I can, and brace myself for extra mental effort it brings (okay, so this isn’t one of my parenting strengths).  But even despite my reluctance, Isabelle is persistent and isn’t easily discouraged from seeking out new opportunities for herself.

Isabelle is also a nurturer.  She loves to take care of people, and she’s good at it.  From volunteering for all the random tasks, to coming up with her own ideas on what might help someone, she puts all of herself into being a mother hen whenever she gets the chance.  She’ll give endless hugs, and back-rubs, and snuggles.  She’ll make tea, and fetch ice packs, and adjust pillows and blankets.  And all with a huge smile on her face.  Because she loves to be able to DO things to show love to people.

When it comes to school, Isabelle has definite strengths in math and reading, but is still working on listening well.  It will come in time, I’m sure, and I guess this is one of those areas where I  need to just remind myself that she’s only turning seven – she’s learning her multiplication facts and reading chapter books and measuring ingredients and folding laundry and helping in the garden – I guess pronouns can wait.

And I have to say, nothing can make me smile like this girl.  She has the BEST giggle ever.  Her smile still melts my heart.  She writes songs for me and tells me she thinks I’m beautiful….and I know this isn’t supposed to be about me, but these are the ways I see her wonderful heart shining through.  I love my Isabelle Sophia more than words can say.  I have been so blessed by her these seven years, and as always, I am grateful for the chance to celebrate her and all the qualities that make her unique and – as she aspires to be – marvelous.

Lucas is four years old today.  I guess I can’t really call him a baby anymore, but wow, that’s hard.  I find myself more and more being astonished at his capabilities, and while I tend to want to attribute it to his natural intelligence and aplomb, it’s probable that at least a small part of it is that my brain has a hard time grasping how fast he is growing.

Nonetheless, I love seeing him learning new skills, communicating with greater insight and, slowly but surely, figuring out how to choose obedience when his strong will so desperately wants its way.

Lucas loves anything with wheels and has proven himself quite adept at driving RC cars all over the house.  I am confident that this is not just my biased perception, as he is certainly more skilled than I am at using these remotes, and can at least keep up with his older siblings.  He also has become interested in Lego, and playing with pretend food and kitchen toys.  Scooby Doo remains his sentimental favorite in most things, but has expanded his horizons to include anything from Toy Story or Cars as well.

Being outside is almost always his preference, and recess is the reference point around which most of his days revolve.  He has mastered training wheels, and I anticipate a request for them to come off in the not-too-distant future.  He loves the chickens, and attempting to climb the apple trees, and picking dandelions, and eating chives from the garden.

He remains a force to be reckoned with in his physical abilities.  Without hesitation, he climbs up doorways, bookshelves and dressers (an area in need of reining in).  He has a grip to rival mine, and can move his little legs at lightning speed.  He can throw and catch much better than his other siblings could at four, and is convinced there is nothing that he can’t do.

He struggles somewhat with learning things like learning which letters and numbers are which, and how to pronounce some letter combinations, like ‘sp’ and ‘sm’, but his vocabulary is impressive and he can follow conversations and story lines extremely well.

As with many things in Lucas’s life, most of his “advancements” come in big steps, rather than gradually.  He seems to internalize new knowledge and ideas, analyzing them thoroughly, so that he can put together a full picture of something before putting anything into action in his behavior.  It’s a different way of doing things than we have observed with the other kids, but it offers reassurance when he might seem to be lagging.  For instance, he went from not being able to say any of the alphabet, to learning it completely in 2 days, without any prompting from me.  And it was the same with talking, and using sentences, and counting and many other things.

Lucas continues to throw me for a loop with his personality, though.  He is very sensitive, and shows genuine concern whenever someone else is hurting or sad.  I sprained my ankle in November, and he still asks me randomly if it’s okay, and expresses worry if I do something that could potentially injure it again.  He recognizes when he has said or done something that I’m not happy with, and will often apologize on his own after thinking it through. However,  he is also very quick to push people away and to want to think only of his momentary interests.  We work on this a lot, though, and I think he is beginning to recognize that there are unpleasant (natural) consequences for self-serving behavior, and he’s becoming less extreme in his responses.

Lucas is such a force to be reckoned with, in so many remarkable ways.  I love him so much, I am overjoyed to celebrate his four years, and I am so excited to see how God uses him as he grows.

Another year older for my Miss Bethany.  I can’t say that this adventure in teenage years has been without typical teenage girl issues…emotional extremes, the occasional back-talk, etc.  But she has also grown in maturity and responsibility.  While once I had to almost look over her shoulder to make sure her school, chores, and other tasks were getting done, I am now confident in her ability to (mostly) manage her daily responsibilities with diligence and an ever-improving work ethic.

It has become more and more apparent, especially this past year, that Bethany is capable of great dedication and perseverance when given a task that matters to her.  She has taken over ownership and care of our chickens this past year, and she has been diligent and motivated and thorough in her care for them.  Likewise, when given any cooking or baking responsibility, she takes it on with enthusiasm and aplomb.  My girl, who once had trouble seeing any task through to completion, will take on ambitious baking, or chocolate making, or even dinner preparation endeavors, and happily work at them with focus and cheerfulness.

In family Bible study times, I see also how firmly the Word of God had been planted in her heart.  She knows and applies scripture thoroughly and confidently.  More than just knowing the words, she   has meditated on them and understood them to an extent that, at times, surprises even me.

I am thankful to see God working in Bethany’s heart and in her work ethic and in her character.  I love the young lady she is and the strong woman of God she is becoming.  It is a joy and privilege to be her mom, and to take a moment to remind myself of the gift she has been these fifteen years.

Today hasn’t been a great day for me.  Not really for any good reason, just life stresses and lack of sleep, mostly.  And I’m not normally one who is easily brought to gratitude for the “everyday” blessings of life.

But right now, I have a crock-pot of chili that is full of organic meat and veggies simmering fragrantly in my kitchen (whether or not you believe there is any benefit in the organic distinction, the fact of its availability in mid-winter is noteworthy).  There is a sheet-pan full of winter squash baking in the oven.  I have a warm mug of coffee on the table beside me and cozy blanket wrapped around me.

I am able to look out the window at picturesque snowfall; and earlier, I lay down in a pile of deep fluffy snow while sunshine and snowflakes fell softly on my face – able to enjoy this winter wonderland without any of the fear or hardship it has the potential to bring.

Washer and dryer are cycling through five loads of laundry. Five loads from only two days.  Five loads representing God’s provision, and our simple routine, and our full home.  The dishwasher runs for a second round today, because we are all home for almost all of our meals.  Some people might think that makes our lives sound small; I think it makes our lives sound unbelievably blessed.

My husband is spending his afternoon doing shopping and errands, because he loves me and knows that the stress those things cause me in the current social climate of our world is more than I can handle.  My older kids are happily whiling away their afternoon playing a board game with a friend, my littles are watching a movie and munching on popcorn.

It’s true that I sometimes bemoan the unfinished or slow projects around this house, but even more true is that while the stresses of life outside these walls often threaten to overwhelm me, I am thankful beyond words for the life I have in this home, with these people who are my favorite people in the universe.  And I’m thankful for my God, who knows – among all the other things about me that He knows – my frailty and my need for a safe harbor.  He has provided more of what I truly need than I could have ever asked for.

This one’s hard for me.  I’m sure next year will be harder still.  Caedmon is another year older, another year closer to adulthood.  It would be an understatement to say I’ve shed a few tears over this fact.

But right now, I’m not going to borrow trouble worrying about the future or reliving the past.  I’m simply going to celebrate who Caedmon is today.

Today, Caedmon is a hard worker who identifies what needs to be done, and does it.

Caedmon is a terrific big brother who has wrestling matches with Lucas, plays games with his littlest sisters, and [usually] graciously fills the role of everyone’s first choice for sharing ideas or new knowledge or funny stories.

Caedmon is intelligent and diligent.  His respectably high PSAT scores have resulted in a steady stream of emails and brochures from colleges eager to capture his interest.

Caedmon still, and probably forever, loves Lego.  It has been his most enduring interest and still comprises a healthy portion of any Christmas or birthday wish list.

Caedmon is a talented musician.  Though events this past year have limited any performance opportunities, he has continued with saxophone lessons virtually, and spends considerable free time at the piano or transcribing music by ear.

Caedmon is, somewhat unwittingly, learning how to tackle many home improvement projects.  From installing a sump pump, to plastering a wall (with real plaster, not drywall compound), to putting up ceiling joists, to insulating walls, to starting on scraping and painting our garage, he has learned a lot of new skills, just this past year alone.

Caedmon is an avid writer.  He has written both a juvenile fiction chapter book, which I’ve read and honestly think is great, and a novel-length young adult book that he is still revising.  He is looking into publishing options and preparing to do what he needs to do to see his books in print.

Caedmon is someone I consider a good friend.  Odd for me, as I still have to occasionally engage in disciplining, lecturing and (hopefully not harsh) taskmaster-ing(?), but I genuinely enjoy his company, and hearing his thoughts, and goofing around with him.  I might be biased, but I think he’s a phenomenal young man.  To say I’m thankful for him doesn’t begin to describe how grateful I am that God made me Caedmon’s mom.  I truly so excited to be able to celebrate this oldest son of mine on his seventeenth birthday, and I hope and pray for many, many more.

Elijah is always staunchly Elijah.  He has his own brand of humor, his own sense of style, his own unique strengths (and weaknesses) in how he learns.  He endures regular ribbing from his older siblings about some of his more original preferences, but he doesn’t back down.  And these are all things I love about my Buddy.

But the quality I want to specifically note on this eleventh birthday of his is his compassionate heart.  It was impressed upon me recently when I sprained my ankle pretty badly.  Elijah was by my side, doing anything and everything I needed, right from the start.  Now, I think it’s worth noting that hard work isn’t generally one of his strong suits.  But for me, he practically bent over backward to serve in any way he could.  And even in general he is especially tender-hearted.  He makes sure to give me a hug every morning.  He comforts me if I’m sad.  He patiently, kindly instructs and plays with his younger siblings.  He is still a natural encourager, when he feels like it’s safe to open up.

I love his heart.  So much.  There are lessons to be learned and pitfalls to look out for that come with that sensitivity, but I think he’s learning.

I’m thankful for these eleven years and the blessing Elijah has been to me, to our family.  He brings laughter and energy and joy to our home.  I’m so happy I get to celebrate him today.

I think I have always subconsciously thought that a false prophet knows he is a false prophet.  I’ve figured that they must just find some benefit in the lie.  In some stories in the Bible it can seem like its obvious to everyone that the false prophets are purposely leading people astray…or at least purposely tickling their ears.  I don’t know that I had honestly ever considered the possibility that false prophets might believe what they’re peddling…until reading the story of Elijah on Mt. Carmel for what seems like the thousandth time.

I guess I’ve always, somehow, seen it as lighthearted.  I know it’s not really, but something about Elijah’s almost cocksure attitude, and the awesome way God shows up have served to make the story inspirational and not too scary to me.  But lately, I’ve thought a lot more about those 450 prophets of baal.  I’d always kind of viewed them as a joke – powerless, pathetic, charlatans.  I thought they couldn’t possibly have actually thought they served the real God.  Their actions seem to tell a different story, though.

While Elijah looked on mockingly, these false prophets were dead serious, even going so far as to cut themselves to try to make their “god” hear them.  What kind of delusion must they have been under to believe in a non-existent deity so much that they would take such extreme action?  And if they would do that to themselves, in the name of serving baal, what would they do to others?

Although the Bible stories about Elijah always seem to me to have a not-so-serious undertone, his circumstances were often dire.  Speaking the truth cost him dearly and caused him to rely solely on God’s miraculous provision more than once, just to survive.

I realize it can seem like a stretch to draw parallels between Elijah’s experience and that of Christians in the world today, but I’m at least learning the importance of recognizing the seriousness of our circumstances – the reality that the father of lies has completely captivated the hearts and minds of so many people, and they are dead-set against any acknowledgement of Who the true God is.

It honestly scares me.  For as much as I can bemoan past circumstances of life, I can’t deny that life is still pretty comfortable, pretty easy.  And I’d be lying if I said that I’m really okay with that changing.  But I think that’s a big part of the problem.  While we have an enemy ready to do whatever it takes to gain the upper hand, we have many Christians who just want to do whatever it takes to stay comfortable, to avoid change, to live in “peace”.

I’ve thought a lot about Jesus’ statement that He did not come to bring peace, but a sword (Matthew 10:34), as so many people in the Church are shouting from the proverbial rooftops about love and unity and compassion.  Not that those are bad things, or wrong things, but they are being pursued at the expense of truth, and, I think, with an underlying motivation of personal comfort.

I’m feeling challenged, I guess.  Will I stand for truth no matter the cost?  Is there anything hindering me from living in full submission to the Lord?  I won’t pretend to know what the future holds, but I don’t want to be surprised if, or when, serving the Lord means making truly hard choices and learning what it means to know the fellowship of His suffering.

There has rarely been an issue that has caused me so much anxiety.  And I have struggled to understand why.  It honestly is not the issue of having my rights stripped away (though that does concern me, I recognize that, Constitution aside, we are not biblically guaranteed “rights”), nor even my own personal discomfort when donning a mask.  This issue of mask wearing is so stressful to me because of the false narrative that has accompanied it.

People are being told – and are believing hook, line and sinker – that masks are doing something there is simply no proof they can do [as long as people follow standard social practices of not coughing and sneezing on others…which we all should have learned early on in life].  Factual studies are being ignored in favor of anecdotal “evidence”…or, worse, are being cited as saying one thing when they, in fact, say the opposite.  I’m bothered that large swaths of our society, and world, are grabbing hold of a philosophy, and then trying to forcefully impose that philosophy on others, without ever studying the so-called evidence of what they are claiming is “science”.  Then, arguing with, criticizing, and condemning those that have done their due diligence and come to a very different conclusion.

I’m bothered that Christians are trying to make this an issue of compassion, when I can’t wrap my head around this idea that perpetuating a lie instead of exposing it, is what is considered to be compassionate.  I fully understand being compassionate about the very real fear that this virus has evoked in people.  But as I watch pretty much our entire society walking around with masks on, ignoring scientifically proven methods of preventing viral spread (namely, keeping physical distance and practicing good hygiene)…and as the overwhelming statistical evidence shows no benefits from masking…I can’t help but feeling frustrated and helpless that so many people have misplaced their trust in something that won’t protect them in the vast majority of situations in which they might find themselves.

And then to have it asserted that I am the person who isn’t compassionate?  I doggedly maintain my distance in public, and am careful to breathe through my nose (which does not result in asymptomatic spread) and I don’t cough or sneeze in public, but none of that seems to matter to anyone, because masks have been touted as the gold-standard preventative.  Maybe Christians need to revisit what it truly means to love people.  Because last I checked, doing that which is actually proven to protect someone, instead of just doing the thing that someone erroneously thinks will protect them, is in reality more loving and compassionate.

Incidentally, I think the argument for compassion becomes even more problematic when faced with the realization that there are many people (including many Christians) who have fears associated with the thought of wearing masks.  Fears of freedom being stripped away and a bleak future for their children and yes, even health concerns (though the media has gone to great lengths to downplay these concerns).  If we make someone else’s perception of a situation our only gauge of what’s right and compassionate, then we have an impossible choice.  Compassion has to be combined with truth.  It’s a foundation of Christianity.  It’s a foundation of the gospel.  Without truth, there is nothing separating Christian love and compassion from the world’s.