Some days my heart just hurts.  I feel strongly the weight of living in a fallen world, pressing down on me from within and without.  This doesn’t normally happen on days when trials are obvious and my defenses are up, but rather on almost-there days.  The days when a part of me thinks that maybe I’ve been wrong about my perceptions…maybe my earthly hopes are not in vain…maybe it’s okay to open my heart a little – these are the days I am reminded of why I stay in my corner, hiding.

It hurts to realize, again, that there’s nothing more for me in those places I most want to find something.  It hurts to not understand why.  It’s hard to understand the discord between what will one day be for eternity and what is for now.  It’s hard to cling to promises in the face of disappointment.

It makes me want to curl up and cry and ask God to change things…and sometimes I do…but I am learning, too, that even though life hurts, God is still good to me.  His heart is for me, and I can trust my heart in His hands.  When I can’t see a light in my circumstances, I have hope in Him.  It doesn’t always feel like enough.  But it is.  It is always enough.