I have a hard time seeing God through all the stuff I put between Him and me.  The “stuff” of sin, of hurt, of petition, of weakness, of striving.  The stuff of good intentions, of comparisons, of other voices, of unbelief.  My tendency is to seek God for something.

There is often an object of my seeking that is, in all honesty, more important to me than seeing Him.  I ask Him to change me, to heal me, to strengthen me, to use me, to free me.  I ask Him to provide, to guide, to instruct, to forgive.  I ask for joy, for peace, for patience, for understanding. The somewhat cliched seeking of the gift, rather than the Giver.

And I end up with a heart full of requests, but void of that which I most need.  Not that it’s bad to ask for things.  The Bible makes it clear that we are to ask, even audaciously, for the things we want from God.  But as with most things, it comes down to the condition of my heart.  The why of my requests.  The reason I pour out my heart.  Am I seeking God’s glory, or my comfort?  Will I see an answered request as proof of a loving and gracious Father, or as my rightful due for believing in His omnipotence?  Will I find comfort in His presence even if the rest of life is uncomfortable?  Will He…just Him…be always enough, no matter what?

I’m realizing, more and more, that He is life.  Not just first, not just best, but only.

And as simple a concept as it is, I still feel incapable of fully understanding it.

For from him and through him and to him are all things.  To him be the glory forever! Amen. —Romans 11:36