If you’ve ever heard me sing,  it’s likely you’ve realized a couple of things about me.  One is that I often sing loudly.  The other is that I probably shouldn’t be singing loudly.  I know my singing can sometimes sound painful.  I have been laughed at.  Sometimes, I hear how badly I sound and I can’t help but laugh at myself.  I have been told “wow, God must really love you to want you to sing to Him”.  Yeah…ouch.

Most times if I sing around other people [during worship], I tell myself that God only cares if it is a joyful noise and I try to ignore what someone else might think. But, sometimes, when I think about how it must sound to the people around me, I become self-conscious.  I sing more softly.  I tip my face down, thinking maybe my voice won’t be as audible.  And I wonder what I’m supposed to be doing.  As much as I love to sing my heart out to the Lord, am I ruining worship for someone else?  Is it selfish to think that God should be my only concern when others are around?  I’m sure nobody would ever tell me to be quiet, but I can’t help but feel that it would be the considerate thing to do sometimes.

I’m not quite sure how to reconcile this within myself.  I love singing, and as silly as it might sound, my “natural” volume when singing is loud.  Can I worship softly?  Yes.  Is it worshiping with my whole heart?  Usually, no.  But, is there a greater good?  Maybe.  I wish I knew for sure.