There was a word of encouragement this morning at church about God’s love. It was more detailed than what I can recall at the moment, but that’s not really important to what I want to say.  What is important is that I know that if I had heard this particular word at any point in my life, even up to a few months ago, I would have had tears streaming down my face.  Instead, I found myself a bit taken aback by my certainty that this word, this time, was for someone else and not for me.

As I heard the exhortation that God was wanting someone, or possibly many someones, to believe in His love for them personally, I took an inventory of my own heart.  Instead of finding doubt and fear at the thought that God could love me, do you know what I found?  I found assurance, confidence, certainty in His love for me.  I was kind of stunned.  There have been times in the past when I thought I was sure – times when I would have said that I knew – but even in those times, hearing someone else say it would have brought to the surface all of the reasons why I thought I really shouldn’t trust His love.  I’m not exaggerating when I say that this is the first time in my entire life – the first time –  when there’s been no question, no hesitation.

I can’t pinpoint any one thing that made the difference in my heart.  There was no singular moment of hearing it and just finally believing.  It has been God faithfully pursuing me, answering me, reminding me, pouring out His love to me in my most undeserving moments.  It has been a winnowing out of the truth from the lies I have been prone to believe.  It has been Him challenging me to believe His word…what it says about who He is, and what it says about who I am.

And it is an answer to prayer, this knowing that God loves me.  There is a yielding in me where there was once only resistance.  I don’t feel like I am fighting Him anymore.  I trust Him and His goodness to me, even when I don’t understand.  I can rest in His love.

So, I am thankful.  I am thankful for the word today that wasn’t for me, but somehow, still was.  I am thankful for years of not knowing that make knowing so much more meaningful.  I am thankful for an eternally good and faithful God.  I am thankful that He loves me.  And I am thankful that I know.  So very, very thankful.