I took an antihistamine this afternoon.  Why?  Because my mouth and throat have been itching like crazy and my throat is still swollen and sore.  So, I figured I might have allergies.  I’ve never really had a problem with allergies before, but it seemed logical…and while I can sort of handle a sore throat, the itchiness was really unpleasant.  Hence, the antihistamine.

I’ve never used an antihistamine before, and so I wasn’t fully prepared to become completely useless for hours.  I guess when they mention that “marked drowsiness” could be a side-effect, they mean it.  My eyes don’t want to stay open, my energy is completely gone.  I tried playing catch with Caedmon, and to say that my attempt was pathetic might be a bit of an understatement.  On the plus side, it did seem to help the itchiness…but it made my throat dry, which isn’t desirable with an already sore throat.

Life can be a struggle, you know?  There are big things, and there little things, and sometimes everything comes at once and seems unbearable.  That’s because it is.  At least for me it is.  I can’t make life work.  I can’t be strong enough.  I can’t figure out answers to every problem.  As much as I want to be that person who can stay on top of everything, whose emotions never dictate actions, who can be productive through medication-induced weariness, who can speak wisdom into every situation, who is enough…the truth is, I can’t be.

God didn’t make me (or anyone) to be that person.  He made me to need Him and His strength and His grace.  He made me to have problems I can’t solve and circumstances I can’t redeem and sore throats I can’t make go away, because I need to know that I need Him.  I need to know that He’s enough.  I need to know that He has answers I can’t fathom and I need to believe, when I can’t see, that the things that are too big for my hands are being carefully directed by His.  I need to be able to look past everything and see Him, just Him.