C’mon, God, SHOW UP!!

Sometimes, I get angry at God.  Sometimes, I think He’s nowhere to be found.  Sometimes, I yell at Him at 4:30 in the morning, while the rest of the house sleeps…except the screaming baby who doesn’t want a diaper change.  Generally, very early mornings and an almost-sleepless night don’t lend themselves to self-restraint and a hopeful attitude on my part.  And life has been pretty effectively tearing down my defenses lately, too.  I’ve been trying to not let it.  I’ve been trying to not focus on circumstances.  I’ve been trying to believe that we matter to God, here in the midst of days that seem filled with reasons to doubt.  But that morning a few days ago, I was at my end.  I threw a fit and later beat myself up about it.  Why would God want to show up for someone as faithless and irreverent as I had been?  I thought, maybe He wouldn’t.

Then I read this verse from Psalm 31…

For I said in my haste,
“I am cut off from before Your eyes”;
Nevertheless You heard the voice of my supplications
When I cried out to You.

Nevertheless, God heard.  When I am faithless, He is faithful.  When I accuse and blame and forget Who I am speaking to, and of, He doesn’t hold it against me.

Someday, I’ll learn.