Sometimes, words fail me.  How can I describe the indescribable?  How can I tell you of the way just a glimpse of God’s greatness completely shatters my heart, but in the best way?  I forget, easily, how not like me He is.  And when I have a moment of realization that He is all the good that I could never, ever be on my own, I am floored.  It’s not shock.  It’s not amazement.  It’s not even awe, necessarily.  It’s just this feeling that I couldn’t possibly ever put myself low enough before Him…like being prostrate on the ground would be too exalted a position in His presence.

And then, bowing before Him, recognizing that He wants me.

My heart.  My affections.  My service.  My worship.  My love.  My life.

As if there is anything about me that could ever add anything to Him.  It’s a paradox to me, that this Creator of the universe, self-sufficient, limitless, Holy, Almighty God would have desire, and that anything I could give could bring Him satisfaction or joy.  This amazingly beautiful, infinite, glorious God…He’s seeing all I am (which, trust me, is nothing short of inglorious on my best day) and is pursuing me relentlessly.  And shouldn’t it be the other way around?  I mean, of course it should…but how is it possible that I fail at this???  How can I, for even a millisecond, think that there’s anything else in life worth my pursuit – worth my attention and affection and desire?  How can I walk away and forget how worthy He is of everything I can possibly think to give?  And when I do…because I always, somehow, do…how is it that He still pursues me, as if I’m the one worth anything??

I can’t wrap my head or my heart around it.  But I know I need to take every opportunity to enter into His presence; to be reminded of all that He is, and all that I’m not; to let Him, in His grace, convince me again, and again, and again that satisfaction – deep, soul-filling, sufficient satisfaction – is only in Him.  It’s only in Him.