Sometimes, I think…
if I can just figure it out
if I could only explain
if they really tried to see
if I got an answer
if the baby would sleep
if I knew the whole truth
if obedience would happen
if I wasn’t afraid
if it didn’t hurt so much
if I was better, or prettier, or calmer, or more organized, or talented, or smart
…if my life wasn’t my life, and this world wasn’t this world, and there was no sin and no consequence and no struggle and no pain…
then I would trust
then I would be thankful
then I would love
then I would be content
then I would be lovable
then I would matter
…then things would stop being hard…
and I wouldn’t have to choose
and I wouldn’t need faith
and I wouldn’t know grace
and I’d never learn compassion
and I’d not see that I’m a sinner
and I wouldn’t recognize true love
…and I might just forget that I need You, every second of my life…
to do all the things for me that I can’t do
to be everything for me that I can’t be
to take all my worthlessness and make me precious
to take all my dirt and make me clean
to take all my failure and make me righteous
to hold me up
to set me free
to make me victorious
…to be my life and breath and reason for being, my Savior, my God.