Sometimes life is hard.  And sometimes it’s hard in an obvious, really-big-trial kind of way.  But sometimes it’s hard in a one-more-little-thing kind of way.  It’s the kind of way that’s hardly noticeable to someone who isn’t dealing with it.  The kind of way that makes a person almost embarrassed to say they’re struggling, because, really, who’s going to believe that the wasp in the dining room is even something worth mentioning?

Right now, life is hard for me.  And it isn’t any big thing that has me floundering.  It’s the “everything” that keeps adding up, one little thing on top of another.  It’s the muddy driveway, and faulty electric, and the vomiting, again, and the congestion, again, and the discouraging budget, and the 18 pounds of pregnancy weight already, and the almost-daily headaches, and the uncomfortable mattress, and the $700 gas bill, and the mildew in the unvented bathroom, and the broken window, and the broken plunger, and the drawings on the walls,  and the late-night bed wetting accident, and the week my dad spent in the hospital, and the conversations that don’t happen, and the arguments that shouldn’t happen, and lack of motivation, and a heart that deceives, and more projects, and uncertainty about the future, and worries about failure, and the camper that we’ve never used that leaks and probably did before we got it, and broken chairs… and the wasp in the dining room – but, not just one wasp, because somehow many have found their way in, lately.  It all makes life hard for me.  And it makes me feel foolish for letting the little things make life hard.  And it makes me think my faith must be so small to be undone by things that are mostly of little consequence in even only a slightly larger view of life.  Nonetheless, this is where I am.  Maybe I am weak…foolish…whatever.  Maybe my faith is proving to be much less than it should be.  Maybe, knowing this, others would see me as less of a Christian…I really don’t know.

But, what I do know is this.  God sees me where I am.  And whatever my condition says about the state of my soul, He knows the whole truth of it.  He knows if there’s selfishness, or laziness, or pride.  He knows if there’s refining, or growth, or lessons learned.  And He knows why.  And He’s promised to work it all out for my good.