I’ve had a pretty good week, so far.  Church on Sunday was convicting and challenging and necessary for my soul.  Aside from a couple headaches, that were annoying but not debilitating, I have felt pretty good.  The days have been beautiful.  I have not sat on the couch all day, every day (which is a change from the past several weeks)…not that I have made much of a dent in the mountain of housework that needs to be caught up on, but I feel like an end is in sight.  We got some new gravel for our driveway, which will hopefully eliminate (or at least ameliorate) our problem of it becoming a bit of a mud-pit when it rains.  I’ve done a couple short runs on the treadmill.  I’ve had some unexpected, but welcome, conversations.  We’ve found a midwife who will likely be willing to travel from Albany to attend a homebirth VBAC…AND a local OB who says she is willing to provide partial prenatal care for the aforementioned birth (kind of important so that I don’t have to make the 8 hour round-trip visit to the midwife that frequently), knowing it will be an at-home VBAC with a midwife (when I was told that she was willing, I was pretty dumbfounded, honestly).

It’s been a week of good things that make me feel blessed – make me feel less overwhelmed, less worried, less like I want to go hide in the far corner of some dark closet.  Right now, in this moment, it’s easy for me to recognize that God takes care of me.  It’s easy to say ‘thank you, Lord’.  It’s easy to get a little choked up at His goodness to me.

But, I am also acutely aware that I have been quick to abandon a grateful heart when the blessings are harder to spot.  I have loosened my grip on an eternal perspective far too easily when temporary struggles enter my vision.  I have questioned God and doubted His plan more than I would really like to admit.  And I have felt ashamed by my lack of faith and my easily distracted and deceived heart.

Yet, even so, God knew me in my weakness and frailty, and has poured out His mercy to me this week.  My attitude has not been one deserving of blessing, but He looks on me with compassion, nonetheless.  When I am nothing short of unlovable, He loves me, and He makes sure I know.  He is ever my pursuer – though I have yet to understand why – and I am still taken by surprise at His tireless and dauntless desire for my heart.  He is faithful, and gracious, and good.  Yes, I am thankful for my God.