Today, my first ever baby turns 9.  I guess it’s the normal thing to say that the time has flown by, but really, 9 years does feel about right.  What takes me aback though, is that he is halfway to “adulthood” – halfway to independence, halfway to [possibly] not being safely tucked into his bed just down the hall from me every night.  I know there’s the potential for an extra year or two of him being “home”, but the eventuality can’t be ignored – he’s going to be a man, and these days, these years – whether they seem to drag on or fly by – matter to what kind of man he will be.

I look at him now and see glimmers of responsibility, ambition, thoughtfulness, choosing right when wrong is easier, learning to pursue God for himself and desiring for God to work in others…but I also am so aware of the fragility of the years to come, the desperate need for the Holy Spirit to direct and convict, empower and protect.

Caedmon is a thinker, he weighs and evaluates and doesn’t like to accept “because I said so” as a reason for anything.  There is tension as he walks that line between little boy and young man…he likes to play, but at the same time, he wants to distance himself from some of the childish ways he sees in his younger siblings.  He likes to be able to figure things out for himself, but he’s learning that not everything is as black and white as his way of thinking might prefer. The Lord is working in his heart, though I often am left to wonder at the specifics.  He has taken to keeping his deeper thoughts to himself, and I find myself hoping and praying and encouraging him that he can share his heart with us.

To say that I never worry that we are somehow failing him would be, well, a lie.  But he has claimed Jesus as his savior.  We trust that God hears our prayers for him, even in the midst of our failings.  And the more I learn about who Caedmon is, the more blessed I am to have him for a son and the more I look forward – albeit with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes – to watching him grow into a man.  We love you Caedmon.  Happy Birthday.