I’m torn about what to write.  I know that I mostly write melancholy things.  I know that it sometimes might seem like life is always, only struggles.  I don’t want to give that perception.

So, I thought, maybe I should write about the good things.  Maybe, I should say something about how much I love having a big garden, and how we have already enjoyed radishes, kale, chives, lettuce, chard, rhubarb and strawberries, and how it still amazes and humbles me how God makes things grow.  Maybe, I should say how much fun I have watching Caedmon’s baseball games…even in the rain, even while watching the other four kids.  Maybe, I should note how I am taken aback every time I walk into the kitchen and see that all the dishes have been washed, dried, and put away and I didn’t have to do a thing.  Maybe, I should write about the cute things my kids have said, and how thankful I am for my husband, and how I smile a little bit every time I see the pretty pink peonies gracing my table.

Maybe I should write about those things.  It’s all true.  And they are good things, for sure.  I am blessed in my life.  I know that.

But when it comes to life lessons?  When it comes to where God is revealing Himself to me most poignantly?  The reality, then, is that the depth of His grace in my life is not best seen through the joys and blessings.  Perhaps it’s different for everyone, but in my life, I see God and hear God the best in the midst of struggle.  Refining processes require a disruption in material for the impurities to be separated out.

I am thankful for the blessings in my life.  So thankful.

Honestly, though?  I’m more thankful for the difficulties…that draw me to the Lord, that test my faith, that show me my great need of sanctification, that remind me of just how much better, and stronger, and more perfect than me He is.  It may not always come across that way when I write.  Sometimes, things are painful and hard to understand.  Sometimes, I wish I was not such a slow learner.  Sometimes, I doubt.  A closer walk with Him is worth so much more than He’s ever asked me to give, though it seems to require more than I think I want to give, at times.  Those moments have shaped my faith and my life.  I could never give anything more than a superficial glimpse of His redemptive work in me if I did not tell most about those moments.