I’ve heard it expressed in recent months, from a number of people, that it’s perfectly acceptable to purposely not have anything to do with a brother or sister in the Lord.

Without sin offense.

Without communicating to the person why you can’t stand them.

Without actually even communicating that you can’t stand them, but leaving no room for any other conclusion.

Sure, there’s the assertion that a person wouldn’t be able to be outright rude and mean…cordial greetings would be necessary when contact is unavoidable, but nothing more than would be extended to an unbelieving stranger.

And I’ve found myself just completely dumbfounded by how this behavior could seen as legitimate.  I’ve pondered many of the biblical references to love and see no room for this posture of distance and disinterest.

³⁷ Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ ³⁸ This is the first and great commandment. ³⁹ And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ ⁴⁰ On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.” —Matthew 22:37-40

Here, it is clear: we are called to love  our “neighbor”.  Granted, some might try to argue that being brothers/sisters in Christ might not necessarily automatically qualify someone as a neighbor, but I think that is an unrealistic stretch, especially considering the importance many other scriptures give to relationships among believers. For example,

³⁴ A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. ³⁵ By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” —John 13:34-35

So, we are supposed to love our neighbors as ourselves, and we’re supposed to love one another as Christ has loved us.  I would think these two verses alone should be enough to convince a person that Christians purposely rejecting other Christians is in opposition to Christ’s very specific commands.  But in the event that someone could argue against this, there are still many other verses that talk about what love is

¹⁸ My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth. — I John 3:18

Here, it seems clear that a “cordial greeting” which would, at best, be loving in “word or tongue” is insufficient to fulfill our responsibility to loving other believers.  I Corinthians 13…the “love chapter”…gives even greater detail of what God requires of our love.

⁴ Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; ⁵ does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; ⁶ does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; ⁷ bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. —I Corinthians 13:4-7

One of the obvious implications of these verses is that interaction is a necessary component of love.  While a couple of these attributes might be applicable to simply how one responds to a distant knowledge of another person (not envying or thinking evil of a person, for instance), characteristics of love like longsuffering, kindness, not behaving rudely, bearing all things and enduring all things can only be demonstrated in relationship.

Even in how we treat unbelievers, our love is meant to be walked out in our actions.

³² “But if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. ³³ And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. ³⁴ And if you lend to those from whom you hope to receive back, what credit is that to you? For even sinners lend to sinners to receive as much back. ³⁵ But love your enemies, do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High. For He is kind to the unthankful and evil. ³⁶ Therefore be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful. —Luke 6:32-36

And the Bible is clear that we are to be even more loving to other Christians.

¹⁰ Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith. —Galatians 6:10

In all of these verses, I see no room for distancing oneself from another believer.  Not that everyone has to be great friends, which is an obvious impossibility…but to purposely erect a dividing wall and remove every possibility not only of friendship, but of any demonstration to one another and to the world of a bond in Christ is anti-biblical.

I understand this is much more black and white in theory than in practice.  I recognize that there are certain personalities that generate friction and that loving some people is much harder than loving others.  But we can’t conclude that just because something is hard, just because we have a sin nature that tempts us to respond to a person in an unloving way, that we get to just avoid a person altogether.  There just isn’t room for that response in how the Word of God speaks to relationships in the Lord.