Caedmon is 15.  Despite my deep desire for time to stop for just a little while, it marches on, still.  In the past 6 months, Caedmon has outgrown 2 pants sizes and his voice is now more man than boy.  My guess is that the next six months will find us packing away a few more sizes of pants…but I really don’t want to get ahead of myself in all of this.  Instead, I will take this moment to reflect on who Caedmon is right now, in these fleeting days.

On one hand, Caedmon is the same Caedmon as always – diligent, particular, hard-working, relishing any chance for “play”.  He excels in all of his schoolwork, to the point where I have to re-learn (and re-learn, and re-learn again, sometimes) the math concepts he’s working on…and often he “gets” them much more quickly than I do.  He still spends most of his free time building with legos, though he will occasionally forego that in favor of a game of Castle Risk, or to watch a favorite movie.  His saxophone playing continues to improve by leaps and bounds, and he regularly sits down at the piano to try to hammer out a new song.  At the end of this past summer, after earning money by restoring and painting some of our windows, he set out to build himself a rowboat.  He found plans online and has planned, purchased, measured, cut, glued, and epoxy-ed his way most of the way through this project, with plans to be finished by the time fishing weather rolls around.  As always, he has big ideas AND the determination to see them accomplished.  He is steady and dependable and hopeful and principled.

But, there have been some subtle changes, too.  I think he is more sure of himself…less concerned about trying to fit anyone else’s mold.  He is more grounded, recognizing more readily the difference between a pie-in-the-sky notion, and something that is a real possibility.  He’s giving more thought to his future (though not obsessively so, by any means), and he has a better idea of what interests him and what doesn’t.  In short, I guess, he’s growing up…which, in some ways, makes me more distraught than I could possibly ever explain, but which is also a relief.  A relief knowing that, when the time comes for him to be on his own, he has a good head on his shoulders and a firm foundation under his feet.

But, I won’t be rushing things.  And as always, I am so happy to have this day to pause much of life just to celebrate my firstborn son.  He is a treasure and joy and I will relish every year that I have the responsibility and the privilege to make his birthday a big deal.  I love him more than words.