A favorite song

I haven’t actually heard it in a long time, but it is the worship song that most consistently comes to mind when I am going through my days.  It still challenges me.

That I might gain Christ

VERSE 1
What I once called gain
I will count as loss
I’ve been captivated by the cross
You steal my breath away
With that display of love
I want to see the face
Of Your glorious Son

BRIDGE
Lord be my single vision

I’ll run my race to receive my crown
But You are the greatest gift I’ve been given
Help me lay all my other treasure down

CHORUS
That I might gain Christ

That I might know You
That I might find life
Help me lose what I must lose
That I might gain Christ
That I might gain Christ

VERSE 2
When I didn’t have You
Lord I was naked and poor
But now I’m clothed with Christ
And I need nothing more
So come and dwell with me
Spirit inhabit my heart
May I behold in full what I now see in part

 

Pursuing love

God’s love is a pursuing love.  Relentless, really.  It is constant regardless of how I (or others) respond.  It is not deterred by rejection or lessened by the ugliness of sin.  And I expect that.  I expect that when I try to hide or run away, God will be pursuing me…that He will woo me back to Himself, that He will reaffirm His love for me and do so with convincing gentleness and grace.  Sometimes, if I’m honest, I am quick to run away because a part of me is selfishly wanting the reassurance that comes with Him pursuing me.  Childish, I know, but even in those moments, He pursues nonetheless.

My husband’s love is a pursuing love, too.  I know that he loves me enough to chase after my heart if we’ve had a disagreement, or if I am pushing away, or distrusting his love.  My husband doesn’t stop pursuing me when he sees the worst in me.  And sometimes, if I’m doubting his love, I will pull away, just to make sure he’s still pursuing.  Again, I know it’s childish, but he pursues me nonetheless.

Clearly, I have an expectation of being pursued in love.  It actually does carry over to just about every personal relationship I have.  If I’m not being pursued, then I conclude that I’m not loved.  And you know what?  I don’t think that’s very far from true…but, I think that application of it is misplaced.  Because the reality is that, as much as I expect to be pursued, I do very little pursuing.  If other people are like me, then it’s likely that few people would trust my love for them.  Yes, I pursue my husband and my kids.  And though their trusting of my love is more important to me than other people trusting my love, I don’t think that’s why I pursue them.

I think I pursue them because I trust that they won’t reject me. I’m already confident of their love, so there’s no risk in the pursuit.  In some ways, I think this is natural.  We love God because He first loved us and gave Himself up for us.  Something inside of me was made to seek that assurance in love.

But, here’s the thing…I have that assurance already.  God loves me with the only perfect love I will ever know, and as tempting as it is to have the same expectations of others as I have of God, that’s not, I think, how it’s supposed to work.  Instead, I am supposed to love others the way that God loves me.  I am supposed to pursue, despite the possibility of rejection, despite the likelihood that, at some point, those I love will prove themselves not very lovable (that’s kind of part of the human condition, right?).  I’m supposed to love sacrificially.

Honestly, that scares me.  I’m nothing if not overprotective of my heart…to the extent of thinking I can guard it better than the Lord can.  I don’t like rejection, hurt, and discomfort.  So, I can’t say that I’m going to walk away from this blog and automatically know how to be pursuing in my love.  But, I need to try.  I guess recognizing that is a start.

 

When you see me, what do you see?  Someone who unhappy?  Someone who is shy?  Someone who is disinterested…intimidating…stuck-up…scared…misguided…out-of-touch…boring…put-together…pre-occupied…etc, etc, etc?  I honestly don’t know.  But you’re probably not seeing me.  Not that I am not any of those things, but when you see me, I am most likely trying to be someone I’m not.

Because I’ve been told that who I am is not who God wants me to be. 

Because nobody ever seems to want to know me as I really am. 

Because I am convinced that you don’t really want to know that I love you and would go to great lengths to demonstrate that to you, because you don’t really love me…and besides, it’s weird even for Christians to show sacrificial love to someone they don’t really know. 

Because I don’t want to sound stupid. 

Because I like talking about the Bible and theology, not housework and fashion and “weather”. 

Because I hate to lie, but I don’t want to ruin your day with my burdens. 

Because I don’t share my joys with you since I think you would rather not take the time to hear about them. 

Because the last time I tried talking to you, you left the conversation in in mid-sentence because someone you preferred to talk to walked into the room, so next time, I will show you less of me. 

Because I don’t want you to see just how horribly imperfect I am out of fear that you would pity me, or think I’m not really trying to live for Jesus. 

Because you don’t want me to see who you really are.

Because you seem most “blessed” by me when I stay out of the way.

Because I am intimidated by your “perfection”.

Because I am uncomfortable in groups of people.

Because I don’t want to inadvertently offend you.


But, I want to just be me.  Maybe someday.

 

 

Lord, please see my heart

show me where it’s gone astray

let my eyes see only You

let my words be filled with grace

I want to know Your truth alone

and stand upon it, come what may

let Your voice speak louder still

than the words another might say

my purpose is not to offend

nor neglect the good You’ve done

yet with this burden, all is bare

to show the battles not yet won

forever last to find a place

please tell me home’s at least secure

if victory’s a distant dream

may I forever rest assured

that a heart for You won’t be in vain

– faithful You will ever be

though, at times, I may lose my way

never, Lord, will You lose me.

 

Random thoughts on a random topic

I just watched a brief video of someone’s thoughts on Christians getting tattooed, and it made me think about the topic. The argument was, basically, that because the Bible doesn’t legitimately oppose tattoos (assuming we are not bound by the Levitical law denouncing them) that tattoos are okay if the heart behind them is right.

In general, I would agree.  And I don’t at all think it is a sin issue, more like a wisdom issue.  My problem is that I have a really hard time thinking of a scenario in which the heart could possibly be right.  And by this, I mean that if someone’s heart is to glorify God, then under what circumstances will a tattoo glorify God?  I think the fact that God created us – our bodies, our appearance, our skin without anything etched on it – makes this difficult justification to come up with from the very beginning.

But, even assuming we can get past that rationale…that we can somehow conclude that God didn’t necessarily create us exactly as He wanted us…it remains something that, at best, is going to meet with mixed responses in terms of bringing glory to God.  I think it is likely there will always be criticism on both sides of this issue.  A tattoo will almost always be a stumbling block for other Christians, and could be a hindrance in witnessing, depending on who you’re talking to.  Will the absence of tattoos be a stumbling block to Christians?  In and of itself, I really don’t think so.  Will it be a hindrance in witnessing?  Some might say yes…and not necessarily without some ground to stand on…but, this brings me to another point of discussion.

The hindrance, according to what I’ve heard argued, is that a dissimilar person (ie, someone without tattoos) will be unapproachable, whereas a tattoo could open up opportunity for discussion and make someone realize that they won’t be condemned for their own tattoos.  This might be true, but when considering applying the same logic to other scenarios, using it as a rationale can lose some merit.  For instance, would Christian women dressing immodestly be appropriate because it could make an immodest unbeliever more comfortable talking to her?  It’s a similar issue in many ways…not black and white, hard to define a Biblical standard, potentially a stumbling block for some, but not all…but I think the general consensus is that a short skirt or low-cut shirt are not going to glorify God even if they provide opportunity for conversation.

There were other similar issues in New Testament times…I think particularly of the meat-eating issue…that came down to having freedom in Christ.  This example has been used to justify tattoos under the same notion of having freedom.  There were differences, though.  First, it was clearly addressed in the Bible.  Secondly, it was not permanent…it was a behavior that could be modified so as not to offend anyone.  It was probably also the case (I’m guessing based on my limited knowledge of the culture at the time) that it was mostly a Jews vs. Gentiles issue, and not generally an issue with a lot of underlying factors (and when it was known that food had been sacrificed to idols – clearly sinful – the meat was not to be eaten)…whereas reasons for getting tattooed can be many and varied and sometimes sinful.  This muddies the waters a bit when using tattoos to “relate” to someone.  I’m not saying that it wouldn’t ever “work”, but I think there is enough gray area that it’s hard to pronounce it as something that makes a tattoo God-honoring.

I’ve also heard justifications that say tattoos are just an expression of God-given creativity, or like the person in the video claimed, good reminders to them of truth (the examples were tattoos of “forgiven” and “loved”).  I can’t say that taken in a narrow view that those are bad reasons.  But, do they clear that hurdle of being good enough reasons to justify permanently altering the form God gave you?  Are they beneficial enough to you (or someone else?) to make it worth causing other Christians to stumble?  Obviously, I think the answer should be no.  And I would probably contend as much if someone were to try to debate the virtues of tattoos with me.

But, will I condemn someone over their tattoos?  Will it make me think less of another believer if they disagree with me?  No.  I will admit, though, that it feels divisive and it takes a purposeful perspective adjustment towards the eternal consequences of the issue (which are negligible) to be able to settle in my heart that unity is more important.  I guess this brings me to the conclusion that it’s probably an issue that will never be completely agreed upon, but when given the opportunity, as Christians we should make an effort to encourage God-honoring decisions…but to remember Romans 14:4 “Who are you to judge someone else’s servant?  To his own master he stands or falls.  And he will stand for the Lord is able to make him stand.”

Good

I’ve been trying hard lately to ask myself what God is trying to teach me – what is He speaking to me, if I take the time to listen.  I’m not very good at just knowing the answer to that.  It isn’t that He’s absent from my life…although it can be tempting to think that when an answer doesn’t immediately come to mind…but, more so, it’s that life and worries and frustrations all sort of mingle together with the encouragement and conviction and truth that He speaks to me throughout the day.  I tend to lose God in the shuffle.  I fail to make His words and promptings my primary focus, which means “everything else” in my life creeps into that place in my heart that needs to be reserved for God alone.  Hence, the attempt to bring His workings into more of a place of prominence in my heart and mind.

And, lately, what He is teaching me is that He is always good.  This is something I need to learn because I have a habit of assigning fault to God when someone or something else disappoints me.  When humanity shows itself to be less than perfect (which, somehow, still manages to take me by surprise) it doesn’t mean that God’s heart toward me has changed, or that stresses in my life are God’s way of showing His disapproval of me.

It’s been a slow realization process, though.  It’s been a recognition that even when I come to God with the same problems and questions, over and over and over again, His response to me is always kind, always patient, always loving.  Despite how I may feel when life disappoints me, God’s word to me is ever one of unwavering faithfulness.  While I often don’t understand the “why” behind struggles in life, He is making it clear to me that His heart for me is always entirely pure and good.  I really need to remember that.

Jesus saves

It’s a simple concept.  Jesus saves.  Sometimes, though, it can seem like salvation depends on something else.

But, it doesn’t.

Programs don’t save.  Friendly smiles don’t save.  Great worship doesn’t save.  Eloquent sermons don’t save.  Hugs and refreshments and special events don’t save.  They can be tools to point to Christ.  They can build up the body of Christ.

Salvation, though?  That’s God alone.  And He doesn’t need any of the other stuff to accomplish it.  So we need to make sure that He is exalted far above the trappings of Christianity.

When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God.  For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith might not rest on men’s wisdom, but on God’s power. — I Corinthians 2:1-5

Encouragement for today

Psalm 121:1-8

I lift my eyes up to the hills – where does my help come from?  My help comes from the Lord, Maker of heaven and earth.  He will not let your foot slip – He who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, He who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleepThe Lord watches over you – the Lord is the shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.  The Lord will keep you from all harm – he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.