I’ve heard often enough that sheep are not the smartest animals.  I assume it’s true.  In the past I have bristled at the thought of being compared to a sheep for that reason.  But lately?  I feel like a sheep.  I look at many of my attitudes and actions and realize they are just absolutely ridiculous, but at the same time feel completely helpless to change.  I feel stupid, both for how I am and for not knowing how to fix myself.

More and more I note the tug of the proverbial shepherd’s hook, dragging me in a different direction than I am wont to go.  I imagine sheep don’t have a naturally acquiescent response to such an action.  I don’t either.  I would rather have a reason carefully explained to me and then have a choice.  There are times when God does that, and it works to make me change my course.  The reality, though, is that there are sometimes reasons that I just won’t understand…or that I won’t agree with even if I do understand.

So, I get prodded, and tugged, and sometimes carried in a direction I would not choose for myself.  In those moments, I am forced to remind myself of the fact that I cannot fathom His understanding…and that He is a good shepherd.  He takes care of me when I don’t know enough to take care of myself.  Even if there is some discomfort, it is for my good – to rescue me from unknown danger or to lead me to a better place.

I just need to trust.

Earlier this week, when I said, “Ugh.  I’m fat.” (what can I say…it happens) Caedmon immediately, and very matter-of-fact-ly said, “No, you’re not.”  It somehow means so much to me that he’s okay with me the way I am.  And during our prayer time with him, when asked what he’d like us to pray for, he said “That I would be hungry for God and not sweets.”  We smiled a bit at that, so he said, “No, I’m serious” – and he was.  I’m so thankful that God is working in his life.

Ava has decided to give up on the sleeping through the night thing for now.  And she still expects to be held for much of the day.  But she does have a lot of moments of having the very best disposition ever.  Plus, sometimes, I like the excuse of having to sit and hold my sweet baby girl.

Bethany loves to help in the kitchen, and asks a bazillion questions.  I love seeing her enthusiasm.  She also continues to blow us away with her ability to understand how things work.  Honestly, there are things she could probably figure out more quickly than I could.  I adore the unique little girl that she is.

Nathanael loves math.  Even when he’s had a hard time with something, he’s always eager to do more the next day.  Sometimes he does extra because he’s so excited to know how to do something.  So, so precious.  I can’t say enough how much I love this boy.

Elijah is incredibly sensitive.  He notices if I’ve been crying even a little bit, and asks me why.  And he thinks about things, and asks questions, then thinks some more.  He reminds me a lot of Nathanael in this, except he voices his thoughts more.  I like that I don’t have to try to figure out what he’s thinking or feeling.  I hope he will always talk to me about everything.

I am blessed by my kids.